In lieu of pets in our apartment, I decided we should have some fish on our blog. I feed them at least twice a day. Perhaps you have fed them once or twice, too. Don’t tell Michael, though. “Don’t feed them so much! They’re gonna explode!” he said, when I was excessively clicking fish food into their water. I gave him an inquisitive look, the one that asks, “Are you serious or joking right now?” because there are times when I really can’t tell. (It’s the same look his niece and nephew give him when he tells them that putting salsa up your nose will put hair on your chest.) He was being serious and proved it with, “We killed a bunch of fish like that.” Oh dear.
This isn’t the first time we’ve disagreed about what things are blog-worthy, but this is probably the more mild of the examples I am thinking of. Michael really is the brains of this operation. He has a mind like a steel trap. (Or a "bear trap," in his words.) I know that’s a corny expression, but it’s true. He remembers things forever, which can be really good if you want to write down something cute Darwin did or know high school track PRs or order a gordita or a chalupa at Taco Bell but you can’t remember which one is which (I always forget). So he is often the one to remember the fun and sometimes amusing things we like to add to our blog. There have been many times when I just write down what he says verbatim and then add a few tiny embellishments of my own, but really, he did most of the work. So when I say “our blog,” I really mean it. I almost always check everything with him first to make sure it’s representative of both of us and Darwin. I didn’t, however, check first on the fish—they were just too irresistible. And that’s where the "Michaelisms" page began.
As you may have noticed, Michael has an uncanny ability to switch around idioms, common phrases, verbage of any kind, really. For example, I was notified this weekend by a reliable, curly red haired source that he used to say, "Inhale" and "Outhale," rather than the more widely accepted "exhale." I think he's got it straightened out now, which is good for a future doctor. In his defense, the same source used the word "reback," as opposed to "reverse." Michael says his mind "just goes so fast that I just have to fill in the saying with a random word so I can keep up."
Hmmm. . . .
We're not sure anyone else will think these little mix-ups are funny, but we do, so we're keeping a list of them on Michael's special page with this "Office" quote sort of as a warning and/or disclaimer.
Last year Creed asked me how to setup a blog. Wanting to protect the world from being exposed to Creed’s brain I opened up a Word document on his computer and put an address at the top. I’ve read some of it. Even for the internet it’s pretty shocking.
-Ryan, from The Office
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